Here today in ‘things you can’t unsee’, Mattel and Nintendo have partnered up to crush the lovable characters of the Mushroom Kingdom down into twisted metal automobile versions of themselves, their every waking moment spent trying to use limbs they no longer possess and wondering just what a car needs with a mustache anyway.

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, Yoshi, and Bowser have all suffered the frankly inhumane treatment, all for the sake of a new Mario Hot Wheels line, tauntingly advertized in a brief promo video:

According to Mattel, the new toys are already rolling out to stores in case you want to buy one and be complicit in the whole tragic affair. It’s just a shame that there isn’t some sort of pre-existing, popular series linking the Mario characters to cars, so that they could have used that for design inspiration and saved us all from Mario’s mustachioed front grille.

Mario Hot Wheels 1

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Executive Editor

Dom thinks too much, acts too little, and probably needs to get out more, to be honest. He writes about games, films, and life and stuff.

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