Delays. Delays never change. Hello Games’ upcoming title about space colors, alien shapes, and insane expectations is now rumored to be delayed until at least July, if not fuckin’ August, for chrissakes. For those like me who haven’t been playing Overwatch 24/7, this is a pretty big deal. Are we even gonna have a summer? What’s next, no ice-cream trucks?
Kotaku broke this story, and it seems legit: apparently Gamestop employees have been receiving COMING SOON stickers to place over the original release date on the game boxes (which was June 21st). When contacted for comment, the computer A.I. that is the sole creator of No Man’s Sky and lauded procedural generator of thousands of alien races per day, simply responded “bleep bloop” and farted loudly. No Man’s Sky, rated 11/10 by all future media outlets ever, doesn’t care what you think, you pleb. It’s a space cowboy. An outlaw. A sweet miracle born of celestial loins. It’ll come out when it damn well pleases!
Falling to its knees in unison, mankind weeps.