Playing major video games released in recent years, I’ve noticed a recurring character: the standard white male model. You can scar him up, call him hispanic, cover him in baby oil, let his beard grow out, deprive him of sleep, or even slap an eyepatch on him, but the fact remains: he’s a bad ass, white motherfucker who’d look great in a pair of Calvin Kleins. He’s also a lazy-as-fuck choice of protagonist. Seriously, every time I realize a game is gonna make me play as this dude, I feel like a corporate boardroom somewhere smiles, glad that their non-risk-taking asses scored another slam dunk in the audience-targeting department. Well fuck you, scumbags, I hereby request the death of the standard white male model. May his reign in the world of video games be remembered as a totally boring one.

The Last of Us (2013)

The Last of Us (2013)

Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain (2015)

Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain (2015)

Mad Max (2015)

Mad Max (2015)

Just Cause 3 (2015)

Just Cause 3 (2015)

Uncharted 4: A Thief's End (2016)

Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End (2016)

Calvin Klein Ad (2016)