Twas’ the night before September 7th and all through the house, the creatures were eager for a new reason to stay on the couch. The announcements were primed, and Sony was pleased… never mind, it’s all moot, the PS4 Slim has already leaked.

Sony had planned to announce two, yes, TWO new consoles at their ‘bow down to us’ press conference scheduled for September 7th of this year. Most speculated that the powerful Playstation Neo, a.k.a. Playstation 4k, a.k.a. Grimlagh the Destroyer, would be announced and I feared I would have to chop off my hands to keep me from buying both that and the Xbox One S.

But now, some thief in the night hijacked a Sony truck, blew off the door with an RPG, and made away with a still-boxed PS4 Slim while being pursued by a modified military-grade tumbler driven by a caped vigilante.
After everything I blatantly made up in the last paragraph, the Slim surfaced on a British auction site called Gumtree, with an asking price of roughly 300 bones. It’s unclear whether the system was purchased from that site, but somehow, YouTuber ZRZ got his hands on the console and posted a video to his channel (which has now been removed).

To me, the Slim kind of looks like a slightly bigger Apple TV; much disappoint. There’s some seemingly new functionality with the DualShock 4, which is purported to have an additional light running across the touch screen. Whoop-dee. What I wanna know is, will the Slim be slightly more powerful then first-gen PS4s? What secrets does it hold?? Why are consoles like phones now??? Someone please take my wallet and throw it into a black hole. More news at the Playstation Conference, scheduled for September 7th.

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Jake is the result of a drunken, late-night threesome between Egon, Slimer, and Peter. As a result of this, he tends to bust his own ghosts on the regular.

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